Under attack!

Ok y'all. this is NO JOKE. I am seriously under attack. SERIOUSLY. it is like the movie Birds only its not just birds.... it is EVERYTHING. 

It all started about a week ago on an extremely hot and humid day… I noticed that our chickens were multiplying. Quickly. I blame the giant cock who roams our yard. He is the biggest I have EVER seen. We don’t get along because he crows like it aint no thang. If you have ever skyped or spoken with me on the phone you know what Im talking about (sidenote- don’t believe the movies… those things crow all day and all night long, not just when the sun comes up) Anyways, all blame aside, we now have chickens everywhere which usually isn’t a problem because they run away before you can get close to them… but two of them have chicklets. If you get close to them they get extremely aggressive, fly up in the air, scratch you with their talons and peck at you with their beaks. Now I learned my lesson very quickly. You know, it’s a make me bleed once shame on you, make me bleed twice shame on me type of thing. The only problem is sometimes they resort to  sneak attacks. Example: when you are searching for signal under the mango tree so that you can skype with your cousin and you are not looking where you are going, or when you are running frantically to the latrine because you think your butt might explode, turn the corner, and bam – chicken in the face. Im telling you… straight out of a horror film.

So it started with the chickens, and it has continued with all sorts of creepy animals. For example, rat infestation. My host family uses the spare room in my house to store all of the stuff that was in the house before I moved in. There is this really old, nasty mattress in there that has recently become the home to a bajillion rats. For reals. It started with just one baby rat. He was a cutie and I named him Hootie because I only saw him a few times at night. MISTAKE. Hootie is now a giant rat who has fathered a whole bunch of other rats. They are horrible roomies. I can hear them all night long causing a ruckus, and they never clean up after themselves. Plus, the old mattress is starting to smell funky. I graduated them from mild nuisance to serious problem when I woke up and found at least 5 rats in my kitchen and a dead baby rat with half of its head chewed off. I was pissed, and I saw Hootie fleeing the scene, rat-bastard. I played CSI and determined that it was a ratacide, and I am now seeking revenge. Weapon of choice: poison.

The rats are not the only thing keeping me up at night. Last night I woke up to ants biting me. I do not eat in my bed for multiple reasons, the largest being the rats and other crawlies. So you can imagine my surprise when I found a bunch of biting ants in my bed. When they bite it HURTS. It turns out an aunt hill popped up under my bed last night. Ant hills pop up all the time in my house because the concrete is broken up and there are cracks and areas that are no longer concrete, just dirt. However, this was the first time in happened under my bed. ANNOYING.

As usual there are still a ton of lizards, spiders, and mosquitos roaming my house, but they haven’t started acting crazy-like. YET…

Stay tuned.

scene of the crime